F1: THE MOVIE (2025)

My big conspiracy theory is that Apple is going to start moving into the home entertainment world (TVs and sound systems) and wants to use this as their big test footage marketer. It is one long Apple commercial, especially with all that AirPods Max coverage (which is fine, that's the whole point of Apple TV, this just felt extra obvious this time). Oh, what’s that? Sonny Hayes (Brad Pitt) just has to tap the side of his headphones and he can hear a soft-spoken update through the headphones and over the din of fuckin cars zipping by? Immaculate. He can dunk his head (with headphones on) into an ice bath no problem? Absolutely. What’s great about this is that it immediately sets up the entire movie, which is “Sonny Hayes can do no wrong. He is a genius and everything works for him.” 

The script is terrible. Just the most anal prolapsed later season Ted Lasso shit I’ve ever had the misery of listening to. The acting is abysmal. Everyone talks like what they’re saying is going to be the big soundbite for the trailer. However, however! The score? The racing visuals? What a cinematic experience. I’ve been having so much trouble trying to convey this dichotomy of recommendation to people. Do not go because you think this is a good movie. It is not a good movie. No good. But boy, is it a theatrical experience. If you can just pop some earplugs in for any dialogue scenes to muffle the sound of word diarrhea spilling into a toilet and then immediately take the earplugs out and fucking lock in for the racing scenes, you will enjoy this movie so much. Have a beer. Let your eyes lose focus every 5-10 minutes while they try and write a story around “cars go vroom.” There isn’t a story. Sonny Hayes can do no wrong. That’s not a fucking stroy. Dude literally does everyone’s job better than them and then chuckles about it. Fuck right off. There was no reason to have a romantic interest with technical director Kate (Kerry Condon). They had 0 chemistry. He was the one who came in and said “fix up the car to my specifications and needs because I’m the only person on this team who can do anything competently,” which was a bummer. No one on the team had agency. They either succumbed to Sonny’s will or…they rocketed off the course and burnt their hands. Even the scene where Kate had to Parent Trap Sonny and Joshua (Damson Idris) felt so contrived and embarrassing for a movie with this budget. Oh, both of you have dead dads? Great, now you’ll be amazing teammates. Fuck right off.. 

I want to talk about that synth score. The outrun of it all. What a great choice on Zimmer’s part of bringing this machine energy to the music too. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed a Zimmer score this much since The Lion King (don’t even try to bring up all the bwaaaaammmmmm shit he was putting out with Nolan for a while there). The score felt triumphant in a non-patronizing way, which I feel goes a long way for a movie like this. 

The movie itself felt very indulgent. It lingered on these shots of Brad Pitt as if to say, “Yeah, he’s still got it.” It was very apparent that the director knows his shit when it comes to action sequences, which makes sense because he did Top Gun: Maverick, too. But there was something missing when it wasn’t just a dude and his machine. Perhaps it was a lack of sincerity and ensemble chemistry. Perhaps because the story was barely good enough. There were elements that definitely could have been cut to help the runtime, like the subplot of the female pit crew worker fucking up. Totally unnecessary. It is sad because, like I mentioned before, the driving sequences are fantastic cinema. I strongly recommend for anyone who is curious about this movie to see it in a theater. But to maybe think of it more as a cool driving music video with ads (the ads being the dogshit storyline and acting). 

Food Recommendation: Kura Revolving Sushi Bar. When the movement is more interesting than the substance.