JURASSIC WORLD: REBIRTH (2025)

Long live David Koepp. I can’t help but love what he does (he co-wrote the original Jurassic Park and the 2002 Spider-Man).

Let’s talk about what went right and then we can dive into what didn’t. What I enjoyed the most about this movie is that it was a sequel in the sense that it was expanding the world that Jurassic Park (1993) created, but wasn’t a sequel in the sense that it was just the studio going “let’s just do the first one again and see if anyone notices” (which they already tried, several times before). I was nervous going into this movie because, well, geez, how many times can you drink from the “uh oh! The dinos are on the loose!” well before it starts poisoning you? Turns out like, 5 times is about when it starts getting stale. This was the 7th movie in the Jurassic franchise, so I’m not counting the first one, obviously. Back to this movie: it wasn’t a rehash of the previous storylines, in fact it ignored just about everything that came after the first one (a smart move). It was set up more like a Mission: Impossible movie or an Indiana Jones type adventure. It was a jungle heist as opposed to just an unlucky visit that becomes a fight for survival. This time it was both! A pharmaceutical CEO hires and accompanies a small crew to retrieve blood samples from 3 dinosaurs in a forbidden travel zone. While on their first mission, they rescue a family but become separated again when they arrive on an island inhabited by dinosaurs. They all have to make their way across the island in hopes of a rescue. I believe that had Jurassic Park not really had any sequels, or maybe even just skipped the last 3 Chris Pratt movies, that this movie would have been better received. It wasn’t trying to rehash the first story, it was trying to logically follow the events that would have transpired in our world post Jurassic Park. The ideas introduced of “dinosaurs escaping from the zoo into the city but it’s a nuisance,” or “people getting over seeing a dinosaur in general” are creative and ground the film in general. The original film has two locations: the Badlands dig site and Isla Nublar. It was a very contained story. In this one, Koepp genuinely asked the audience, “How would the world be different if dinosaurs were brought back?” I appreciated seeing them in both urban settings as well as loose in nature. I also loved the blood collection parachutes. It was cute and clever. It worked.

Okay, compliment time is over. Let’s get into it. The D rex looked dumpy as hell. You ever been intimidated by a beluga whale? No? I honestly could not stop thinking of that Reddit post about how it looks like a dick and balls. Incredible design. I understand the need for a scary cold open - good homage to the original, setting up the D rex, getting right into some action, etc., but with a runtime of 2 hours and 13 minutes, they could absolutely afford to cut out that opening escape scene. They could have found some information on the dino when they came across the ravaged lab and thought “Oh no, this fucker is out”...much like every other dinosaur on that island. I don’t know why Mr. Goose Egg got the big intro. Perhaps my ire comes from feeling that Snickers were improperly maligned. Another thing that put me off immediately were the CGI monkeys at the beginning. You couldn’t afford a few real monkeys? It’s crazy how this franchise does not learn any lessons from the original. Lesson number one: Keep it real as often as possible. It will look better. Lesson number two: Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should (make 6 other movies). 

Back to the runtime, there were scenes that definitely dragged. The “Xavier kind of sucks!” scene took its time, the movie didn’t start moving again until the boat capsized. I feel like they could have given us some more information or movement during that character introduction. Even the dino lovemaking scene took a little too long. I know it’s a Jurassic Park movie and you need to have the moment of “Wow! They are big and majestic,” but it felt overindulgent and a little like stepping off a moving walkway. The stop was too abrupt. The original John Williams score was peppered into this film but often felt out of place. I think they could have used it once for emphasis and then not brought it back. It wasn’t for this movie. 

In terms of casting, just about everyone was well cast in this movie. However, I did feel that Scarlett Johansson as Zora Bennett was wasted in this film; she was underutilized. I find her to be a great actress, but maybe it was the script that didn’t let her shine. Her interactions with Jonathan Bailey’s Dr. Henry Loomis felt stilted and forced, like they were auditioning for a coffee commercial in the middle of the jungle. I felt that Rupert Friend looked too generic as Martin Krebs. The family (Mauel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, Audrina Miranda, and David Iacono) were well-cast and a welcome sight every time they were on screen. I looked forward to their scenes more than the stilted Zora/Henry scenes. The family worked well enough for me that I was able to overlook the 20 second domestication of a dinosaur. I was glad there was no forced romance in the movie (I say forced because those dinosaurs seemed pretty into it).

Overall, the movie was better than expected. I have seen all the other movies in the Jurassic Park universe and this one felt different and better, especially of the newer 4. 

One last thing. I sat in an AMC to see this, which means I sat through trailers and even just regular old ads (which is a thing now? Gross?), and then I sat through 3 separate AMC ads (quick jerking yourselves off, I’m already fucking seated and accounted for). The screen went black. The house lights were off. Then I saw the Syncopy logo. That ain’t right. Oh? It’s the goddamn Odyssey trailer? Listen, you don’t get to pull the rug out from under me. You don’t get to telegraph in every way to me that the goddamn 2+ hour movie is about to start, 20-30 minutes after the scheduled showtime, and then show me a trailer for another fucking movie. A Christopher Nolan movie, at that. I am not wading into my opinions on Nolan movies at this time, but rest assured this did not help garner any hype from this audience member.

Food Recommendation: In the original movie, the likelihood of the dinosaurs surviving on their own is explained by the Lysine Contingency: the dinosaurs have been created with a lysine deficiency that could only be supplied by InGen, thus making survival after escape an impossibility. Which would have been cooler if lysine wasn’t found in literally every protein. I wanted to recommend a restaurant that had great land, air, and sea options (to represent the 3 dinos), but that’s definitely a tough ask for a restaurant. I’m recommending Jon and Vinny’s, especially their chicken parm. It’s a fantastic dish. I chose Jon and Vinny’s because they fall prey to “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” as well. Why the hell are you charging almost $31 for a chicken parmesan dish with no pasta? And how dare it taste so delicious. 

And before I forget. Here is the dick and balls dinosaur photo: